Totally Unintentional

Calvin was playing in a shopping bag the other day, and he kept peeking out at me from the handle cut-out in the bag, so of course I took a picture. It wasn't until I looked at the photo later that I realized he looks like a Klansman, but I promise this was just an unfortunate coincidence. Anyway, it's just a funny pic, so here it is.

False Forecast

So my horoscope for the weekend is this: "Party people everywhere are going to be calling you to hang out. Blame it on the fact that you love to be the life of the party. Just remember, you do have to be functional come Monday morning."

Haha, no I don't! I've got all next week off. Including two weekends and Labor Day, that's 10 days in a row. I haven't had that much consecutive time off since I quit my miserable job at New York Life and suddenly found myself with all the free time in the world, and then some.

But don't worry about me sitting at home and getting so bored that I start working again (and if you do start seeing a bunch of work-related emails from me, for Pete's sake, tell me to stop!) I'm spending a couple days in Atlantic City, where I finally plan to go to the beach. I've been *to* the beach twice this summer (Ocean City and Norfolk) but haven't actually been *on* a beach yet. I'm also looking forward to the Caesar's Palace mall and outlets, and some quality time in front of the penny slots, too.

Tuesday I'll be in Gettysburg to hang out with former Baltimorons Steve & Michele, then I have my bookclub meeting. Wednesday I have band practice. Thursday I'm taking Calvin & Clementine to the vet to get their junk taken care of, and may I add not a moment too soon. Thursday night is the Ravens' final preseason game, which also can not happen soon enough. Preseason football is such a tease. You get all antsy for football to start between February and August, and when you finally get to watch, it's one quarter of okay football followed by three quarters of pure crap.

Go Troy Smith!

Friday I'll pick up the kittens, who I'm sure will not be very happy with me, but that's ok. Saturday is the first practice of the fall for my BSSC football team, Boobs & Balls. I'm totally ready for this. Sunday is the Ravens Band Fantasy Football draft. And then Monday is Labor Day, and that wraps up my 10 days of freedom. By Tuesday I'm sure I'll be itching get back to work.

Cue the Music

While watching the disaster that was the Ravens-Vikings pre-season game on Saturday, I thought to myself how much more entertaining this season would be if they played the Benny Hill music over the loudspeaker every time Kyle Boller fumbled the ball or threw an interception.

I doubt the Ravens will go for that though. Something about the morale of the players or something, probably...

Pop Culture Catch-up

I finally got around to seeing two things that's already old news to the rest of the world: The Dark Knight and the Olympics opening ceremony.

Friday night we went to the Landmark theater for The Dark Knight, and even in its fourth week the place was packed. I'll be the first to admit that my attention span is short and seems to be shrinking every day, but I sat relatively still and didn't fall asleep during the three-hour movie.

Some instant thoughts: The Joker was creepy and well-played. The plot was interesting, but got a bit out of control toward the end and could have stood to be reeled back in. Christian Bale's normal voice is, well, normal, but his Batman voice was too put-on and for some reason had a lisp, which I find ridiculous on a superhero. Katie Holmes is probably kicking herself for giving up the chance to continue her role as Rachel Dawes, but I'm sure she's got some crazy Scientologist meditations to convince herself she made the right decision.

And just FYI, there's a Haagen Daaz right next to the theater, which is a brilliant strategy.

Last night when I got home from work I watched the opening ceremonies which I'd saved on DVR. I'd heard a lot of buzz about the ceremony but I fast forwarded through a lot of the interpretive dance that you get at every Olympics and watched the 2,008 drummers, the parade of nations and the actual lighting of the torch.

The countdown by the drummers was really cool and must have taken a lot of practice to get that synchronized just so. Although I did notice they were all wearing earbuds, so I'm sure they had a metronome tapping in their ears to keep them in time. I always forget about those tiny unmemorable countries that you only hear about in the Olympic parade of nations.

A lot of people have complained about how Matt Lauer and Bob Costas talked too much, but I liked the little nuggets of trivia they threw out about each country. Venezuela created its own time zone? I find that interesting, and I don't doubt that I'll manage to throw that fact out in a conversation at some point. This probably explains why I liked The Know-it-All so much while everyone else I know didn't even want to finish the book.

The lighting of the torch was nothing short of amazing. The fireworks were also spectacular, but my enthusiasm about them was dimmed since I'd already read about how they were digitally enhanced for television viewers. LAME.

Read Any Good Books Lately?

Actually, I have, thanks for asking.

The Know-it-All is probably the best book I've read this year. It's about a guy who decides to read the entire Encyclopedia Brittanica in the space of one year, in a quest to become the smartest man alive. While I love a good pointless fact more than most people, I'm happy that this book was more than just that, it chronicled the author's life for that year, including commentary on the many brilliant members of his family and some insight into his relationships with them.

Side stories also included ventures into events typically reserved for the smartest of the smart: Mensa meetings, a crossword puzzle tournament, an interview with Alex Trebek and an appearance on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, among other things.

One fact that I've spouted a couple times since reading the book: a riot is technically defined as three or more rambunctious people in one place. There have been many recent occasions where I *technically* could have participated in a riot. And I also have a new joke to tell, which is good since my old stand-by of "a skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop" is getting kind of stale.

Rene Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender says, "hey pal, would you like a beer?" Descartes replies "I think not," and then disappears.

The girls in my bookclub didn't really care for the Know-it-All, and only half of them actually finished it. But if you put any stock in my opinion, then I will happily recommend this book. And just a tip, it's funny, but I still didn't expect to have to navigate the Humor shelves at Barnes & Noble to find it.

The other one I read recently is Love is a Mix Tape, by Rob Sheffield, who frequently writes for Rolling Stone and other music mags, and also appears on VH-1 commentary shows (the only shows currently airing on VH-1 other than trashy celebrity love competitions). He narrates his story with the use of mix tapes created at the time of each milestone, such as an 8th grade dance, the time when he first met his future wife, and so on. This is a guy who almost literally exists on nothing but music, so it's a fitting format in which to structure his chapters.

Sheffield is a captivating writer, and is simultaneously funny and heart-breaking. I'm not giving anything away here, since this is stated on the first page of the book, but Sheffield's wife died suddenly, leaving him a widower at 31. I think this might be the first book to ever make me cry. A good pick if you've been feeling a little inhuman and unfeeling lately, as this will quickly fix what ails you (unless of course, you are in fact incapable of feelings).

And how about you? Have you read any good books lately?