Big Ed to the Lions

I'm kind of bummed out by the news that Ed Mulitalo, who was recently released by the Ravens, is going to the Detroit Lions. I was holding out hope that the Ravens would try to resign Big Ed after the draft, but no such luck. I've heard conflicting stories on how his absence from the team would influence Jon Ogden's decision to retire.

98 Rock did report though, that Ed's family will likely remain in Baltimore, and more importantly, Big Ed's Band Foundation will stay in place. The foundation does a lot of great work for instrumental music programs in Baltimore area schools, so that is positive news. I haven't heard if he plans to continue holding his annual fundraising luau, but I hope he does because I've never been able to attend and from what I hear it's always a lot of fun.

Ed signed a 3-year deal with the Lions, so maybe when he is done playing he will return to the Ravens as a consultant or position coach.

No You're Lamer, Spammer

I get just about every type of spam email under the sun. I thought this one I received this morning was funny, and almost insulting.

From: Ursula Chin

To: jen@companyname.com

Subject: anti-spammers are lamers

regards,
spammer

Quick and to the point. Even though she called me a "lamer" (what?), Spammer was still polite enough to sign her email with "regards."

I Stayed at a Clarion Once...

This past weekend I was up at Clarion University in rural central Pennsylvania. Just like home with all the hills and snow and poor fashion choices. I was there for the Kappa Kappa Psi district convention and had a great time catching up with people I see fairly infrequently, and also meeting lots of new people.

Going to these conventions as an alumnus has its advantages. If I don't feel like getting up at the crack of dawn to go to meetings, I don't have to. We can just roll into whatever meetings we want. And the Alumni meetings are laid back and quite efficient. Just to give you an example, the entire process of re-electing our district alumni association president took 32 seconds. Compare that to when I was an active brother of the Shippensburg chapter, when the presidential election once spanned two days.

My schedule went something like this: go to a meeting (or part of a meeting), eat, take a nap, watch some basketball, drink the rest of the night. Speaking of drinking, there was some fantastic Dutchmen in the alumni party room. I don't want to divulge any of the secrets of the recipe, but the fruit was soaked in grain alcohol for about 2 weeks before getting dumped into the punch mix. This was a case of "eat the fruit at your own risk." Of course I ate the fruit and got pretty toasted, but looks are deceiving, because I can handle my alcohol like a champ. When the actives stopped by to sample the juice we urged them all to "eat the fruit! It's good for you...lots of fiber" Which resulted in many a face that looked something like this:


Here are some other notes and numbers to crunch:
It started snowing mid-morning on Friday in Clarion and didn't stop until sometime Saturday afternoon. We ended up with about 4-5 inches of snow, but with PA's efficiency and overall competency when it comes to clearing and driving in snow, it was pretty much a non-issue. I returned to Baltimore to find a sheet of ice on the sidewalk in front of my house and promptly fell on my ass when I got out of the car. Clarion 1, Baltimore 0

March is Shamrock Shake month in my book, but Clarion disappointed me. Two McDonald's in town, and neither one serving the green minty goodness. Clarion 0, Baltimore 0, Waynesboro 2

I mentioned poor fashion sense earlier, and wow I was not kidding. Our formal banquet was on Saturday night and despite the wind chill, the snow and the banquet venue up on the top of a hill, I wore a nice cocktail-length dress and some 3 inch gold heels - standard attire from my experience. Now, I seem to remember a time not long ago when a formal event required that girls put on a decent dress and comb their hair. Not this time. Wrinkly khakis, clunky chunky shoes that were most likely purchased at Fashion Bug sometime in the mid-90's, and sloppy casual summer dresses meant for the boardwalk were what I found instead. At least the sisters of TBS didn't disappoint, as most of them had on fabulous (and appropriate!) dresses. 2007 Clarion convention 0, past conventions 1

But overall, it was a really fun time. Next year's convention is at Virginia Tech, and I'm really looking forward to it.

Who's Doing All the Work?

I copied this from a friend's AOL Instant Messenger away message. I suspect the numbers are a bit faulty here, but it's funny nonetheless.

The population of this country is 300 million.
160 million are retired.
That leaves 140 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 55 million to do the work.
Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.
Leaving 15 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces
Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work for state and city governments.
And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me

And there you are,

sitting on your ass,

at your computer, reading jokes.

Nice. Real nice

"And Who Are You?" "I'm...Batman!"

I've been a little forgetful lately, and I can't figure out why. It's not to the degree of, say, Dawn Schaeffer's mom in the Baby-Sitters Club books. She would do stuff like leave her wallet in a box of laundry detergent or put a loaf of bread in a bookshelf. That's absent-mindedness likely caused by a brain shrunken by excessive pot smoking earlier in life. Not that I put two and two together when I was 8 years old, but it's pretty clear now.

But take yesterday for instance. I've been working at this company for more than a year and a half, but for some reason when I was leaving and locking up, I completely blanked on the security code. I stood there for a few minutes and seriously could not come up with it, not even the digit it started with. I had to call my boss, who laughed at me. And rightfully so.

Today she told me about a client who would be calling me later in the day, and detailed some of the issues he would be presenting and what to tell him. I wrote it all down, but when he called I was perplexed by some of the obstacles he brought up. I sent an email to the boss, pretty much word for word how she explained it to me this morning, and she replied that, yes, that's what she told me earlier today. Duh.

Where is my head these days? Is my brain aging twice as fast as my body? It seems like it. I'm approaching my 25th birthday but I'm as forgetful as my mother (who actually HAS put bread back on the bookshelf).

Hopefully I'll remember my way home tonight. Otherwise, I'll be calling someone to come pick me up from the set of Major League II.

It's Just Not the Same

I kept hearing about the new Cherry Coke Zero and how it tastes exactly like regular Cherry Coke, only with 0 calories. So when I found it stocked at the convenience store we usually stop at after band practice on Wednesday night, I got one. I had semi-high hopes, since I even went as far as googling Cherry Coke Zero to read reviews, and almost everyone said you can't even taste the difference.

When I opened the bottle and took a taste I realized that I am definitely a diet soda snob. I've been trying to think of what my 'thing' is that I'm always difficult about. Everyone's got one. Some people are fashion snobs (I'm one to a point, but it's not like I look down on anyone who buys their clothes at places like Target). Some people are book snobs. Even while holding an English degree, I'm not a snob about reading the "classics" and deep poetry. That stuff bores me. Give me fluffy chick lit anyday over Walden or Billy Budd. There are people who turn their noses up at all chain restaurants, drug store makeup, non-purebred dogs, you name it.

But no, I'm most definitely a diet soda snob. I can detect that slightly flat artificial sweetener aftertaste right away, and anyone who says Cherry Coke Zero tastes exactly like regular Cherry Coke needs to have their taste buds examined.

That's a Good Bingo!!

Check out this Hipster bingo card I found. This is going to make hanging out in Charles Village way more fun! I mean, if I'm going to have a bunch of lame Hopkins students blowing cigarette smoke in my face at CVP, then I should at least be entitled to make fun of them.

But why stop at Hipster bingo? Why not drive down to the Dundalk Wal-Mart and play some White Trash bingo? You've got your pregnant teenager, the big lady wearing spandex pants, WWE t-shirts, babies wearing nothing but diapers, scrunchies, visible Skoal rings in the back pocket, mullets and/or rattails....

I've still got my pink bingo dotter. Who's with me?

*edited - hey! the picture's gone! oh well, if you want to see it that bad, go here.

At Least it's Friday

So this morning didn't start well at all. I was ready to leave for work and while walking down the stairs, my feet sort of just flew out from under me and I landed hard. At first my tailbone was where I was hurting the most, but now that I'm at work I realize that I must have landed on my wrist pretty badly too. It's already starting to swell and bruise.

In happier news, as I was driving up Maryland St. I saw an older gentleman wearing a bright yellow hooded rain slicker. That made me smile a bit, since even though it was totally appropriate attire for the weather, it looked kind of silly. I think the last time I saw such a coat was on Paddington the Bear.

Time to Slap Their Socks Off

Slap Your Irritating Co-workers Holiday

Today, March 1, 2007, is the official Slap Your Irritating Co-workers Holiday.

Do you have a co-worker who talks nonstop about nothing, working your last nerve with tedious and boring details that you don't give a damn about? Do you have a co-worker who ALWAYS screws up stuff creating MORE work for you? Do you have a co-worker who kisses so much booty, you can look in their mouth and see what your boss had for lunch? Do you have a co-worker who is SOOO obnoxious, when he/she enters a room, everyone else clears it?

Well, on behalf of Ike Turner, I am so very very glad to officially announce SLAP YOUR IRRITATING CO-WORKER DAY! There are the rules you must follow:

• You can only slap one person per hour - no more.
• You can slap the same person again if they irritate you again in the same day.
• You are allowed to hold someone down as other co-workers take their turns slapping the irritant.
• No weapons are allowed...other than going upside somebody's head with a stapler or a hole-puncher.
• CURSING IS MANDATORY! After you have slapped the recipient, your "assault" must be followed with something like "cause I'm sick of your stupid-a$$ always messing up stuff!"
• If questioned by a supervisor [or police, if the supervisor is the irritant], you are allowed to LIE, LIE, LIE!

Now, study the rules, break out your list of folks that you want to slap the living day lights out of and get to slapping.....and have a great day!!