FMyOldLife

It's raining today, which is causing a lot of aches and pains in my bad right hip. FMOL

Turns out the tv in my bedroom wasn't ready for the digital transition after all. For the past week I've been listening to ESPN with no picture. FMOL

I auditioned a 20-year-old girl for the Ravens Band last night. She asked me how long I've been in the band and I told her I joined during my senior year of college, which was in 2003. Her reply: "Wow, that's a really long time ago." FMOL

Watching the MTV Movie Awards made me realize that I really don't know what's cool with the kids these days. FMOL

Feels like every day my cats get a little smarter than me. I'm like Elmer Fudd trying to figure out ways to outsmart them, and I fail every single time. FMOL

I remember who Elmer Fudd is. FMOL

Thanks But No Thanks

So much for smart, targeted email campaigns.

I have shopped with Endless.com on occasion. They're an online shoe store who, when they first arrived on the scene, offered a deal where they gave the customer $5 for shipping. Sounds more confusing than it is. It's actually free shipping and $5 off your order.

Anyway, I've bought a few pairs of shoes from them over the last year or two, and I get their email blasts probably every other day. This is what showed up in my inbox this morning:


I will *not* be springing into Crocs, thank you very much. These people clearly don't know me at all. Perhaps this is an April Fool's gag that arrived a day late.

Separated at Birth

Am I right, people?

I Are Dumb

One of the best categories of "funny" is unintentionally funny. Exhibit A, from a spam email I received this morning:

I'm a Parallel Parking Rock Star

25 Things About Me

Posted this on Facebook a couple of months ago back when all the cool kids were doing it. I liked it so much I thought I would copy it here!

1. Few things keep my attention for more than 15 minutes, but I will not claim to have ADD because too many people use that as a crutch
2. I can calmly play a trumpet solo in front of 70,000+ people with mics and cameras in my face, but talking in front of 10 people makes me insanely nervous
3. I have two kittens who are brother and sister named Calvin and Clementine.
4. I was born in Germany but left when I was 2 years old so I don't remember anything about it. I'd like to visit someday.
5. I had Lasik about 2 weeks ago and I still keep pushing my non-existant glasses up on my nose
6. The whole reason why I went to Shippensburg U is because it was one of two schools within driving distance of my parents' house, and the only one with a marching band
7. I never played any kind of organized sports until I was 25, but I turned out to be pretty good at football. My two long TD catches are up there in my life's proudest moments
8. Dr. Pepper cured a nasty 3-day bout of layrngitis that I had while in Dallas last month
9. I've had a lot of luck with Craigslist. I found my apartment, most of my living room and dining room furniture, my football team and bookclub there
10. I'm still using the country line dancing skills I learned in high school gym class
11. I was afraid of dogs for many years after a neighbor's dog scratched my face when I was a kid, necessitating 10 stitches, but now I love most dogs I meet
12. I have 2 half brothers that I've never met (will never meet one, as he died about 15 years ago)
13. There's no such thing as too many black sweaters, as long as they're all a little bit different. Same goes for black shoes
14. Given my family's history with grey hair, I'm really surprised to still have my natural color intact
15. My parents splitting up in 2006 was more difficult for me than any of my own breakups
16. I read a lot of really good books in 2008 and I hope to get through more on my to-read list this year
17. I wanted to quit the trumpet almost every day until I was 15. I'm glad I forced myself to stick with it
18. I ran two 5k races last year. I still don't think running is fun, and my times weren't very good, but I'm still proud of myself for doing it
19. My biggest pet peeve is lazy people
20. My second biggest pet peeve is people who air play instruments they don't actually know how to play...in my book, you are free to air accordion ONLY if you can play an accordion for real
21. I once gave a deaf guy at the bar a fake phone number. I felt guilty for like 2.5 seconds but got over it once I realized that a deaf person can't call me anyway
22. My long term financial plan is to win the lottery
23. I didn't realize how scared of heights I was until riding the roller coasters at Cedar Point
24. I still think IUP sucks
25. Every time I go into the family bathroom at work I have to check behind the shower curtain to make sure no one's hiding in there

Stuff. And Things.

I hate when people suddenly stop posting on their blogs without any warning, and you start to wonder if maybe they died tragically, but you'll never find out because you typically don't know these people writing the blogs.

I didn't die. Facebook and Twitter take up a lot more time than you think. I even deleted my MySpace account, but that was only because the ratio of normal people to lecherous old dudes and skanky teenage girls was way out of whack. Anyway, after thinking about blogs and social media all day at work, my appetite for those things in my freetime started to diminish.

So what was I doing while I wasn't posting here? Some of it was spent working, obviously. I did have a nice 3 week vacation in December though. Went to Dallas for a few days and while there I got to see the Ravens hand the Cowboys their asses in a nice gift wrapped box. That was lovely :-) What was NOT lovely was seeing this freakshow in the parking lot before the game:


I also got my eyeballs fixed, so no more glasses! More importantly, no more guys at the bar starting a conversation with "I like your glasses" (lame) or "has anyone ever told you you look like Tina Fey?" Yes, LOTS of people have told me that. Not that I have a problem with Tina Fey, because she's pretty hot, but after a few thousand times of hearing that line it just gets old. The results were pretty impressive - I went from 20/400 vision before surgery to 20/15 after...because even my eyes are such perfectionists that they managed to improve on perfect.

The Ravens made it to the AFL Championship game, in case you haven't heard. I'm proud of those boys for making it so far after many pundits in the pre-season predicted a four-win season. If only we didn't keep losing to those pesky Steelers. We'll show them next year, won't we, Ray Ray?

Bringing everyone fully up to speed on my life, as if anyone honestly cares...Ravens Band has started up again already. So check us out at the St. Patrick's parade on March 15. And if you know any competent musicians, please send them my way. (Emphasis on competent). BSSC spring football starts on Sunday, so I'm looking forward to delivering a pounding to all opposing teams, courtesy of the Fighting Amish. My annual Shamrock Shake scavenger hunt has begun, and I've actually found them in two McDonald's in the Baltimore area: one on York Rd. just north of the circle, and the one inside the Wal-Mart at Port Covington. Be a pal and let me know if you see them anywhere else.

So that's my story. According to my stats, my blog certainly wasn't lonely while I was gone, what with hundreds of people visiting after searching "Blockbuster late fees" in Google. One silly post over a year ago is still #3 in Google. Seriously, go check it out if you don't believe me.

I'll post again soon. Or not. :-)