1. I never made it onto any "30 Under 30" lists. It's ok - maybe I can con someone into including me on a "40 Under 40" list sometime before 2022.
2. 81% of women have been married by age 30 (and 16% of them have also been divorced). I'm in no hurry, though I definitely want to get married eventually, when the time is right. (Hear that, Mom? I promise you'll get to see a wedding!)
3. Fact: kids are not part of my plan and never have been. I promised my parents grandcats, and I've followed through on that.
4. The Baltimore Ravens are the closest thing I have to religion. M&T Bank Stadium is my place of worship. Ray Lewis is my pastor. The Ravens Fight Songs (both of them) are my scripture.
5. Birthday cake? Wow, thanks! I prefer yellow cake with chocolate frosting, just in case you were wondering.
6. If there's any reference to being "old" or "over the hill" on the cake, I will never speak to you again.
7. As I hit 30, I finally feel as though I've uncovered my true self - or at least finally allowed that person to make all the decisions. In past years I allowed myself to be stepped on, hurt, ignored, or made to feel guilty. No more. Here I am, and if you don't like me, let me show you to the door.
8. I should quit lying to myself and cancel my gym membership already.
9. Someday I'll own a cool car that doesn't drive like a go-kart. That day is not today.
10. Air travel is not glamorous, and I'd like to know who keeps perpetuating that myth. Xanax makes it merely tolerable.
11. Things I concede I'm too old for:
- The camouflage mini skirt I finally gave to Goodwill
- Nasty alcoholic concoctions that you buy as a joke (Cement Mixer, 7 Seas, Brain Hemorrhage, etc.)
12. Things I will never be too old for:
- Singing along to NSync songs in the car
- Flintstones Vitamins
- Settling disputes with Rock Paper Scissors
13. It's easy to let friendships suffer while using Facebook, email and text messaging as a crutch. I want to make a real effort to connect with friends, like, in person.
14. New Year's resolutions are a bad idea since they're rarely accomplished.
15. My body is starting to give up on me. Time to schedule that double hip replacement!
16. The most impressive piece of artwork I will ever own is likely a framed print of "A Friend In Need," more commonly known as "Dogs Playing Poker." I love it and will not apologize for its tackiness.
17. Life is too short to buy cheap toilet paper. Spend a few extra dollars for the good stuff.
18. Ignorance is not bliss (though it seems to be working for Rick Santorum). I strive to be well-read, well-traveled, culturally aware and informed about politics.
19. I should never wear red. It's a hideous color on me.
20. One person can affect positive social change. Even if it's small, it's significant.
21. How did I ever live without an iPhone? It seems absolutely barbaric in hindsight.
22. I'd like to avoid the cliche "the big three-oh" in reference to my own birthday and all my friends who are also hitting the milestone in the near future. Also? I'm not calling it the "first anniversary of my 29th birthday."
23. There's no shame in making mistakes. Shitty jobs, dumb ex-boyfriends, that time I thought it would be cool to join an adult basketball league...it now occurs to me these weren't the best decisions at the time, but like any scientific experiment, it's difficult to determine a winning formula without recording a few losers first.
24. Many of my core personal philosophies are taken from Calvin & Hobbes, a comic strip that ended nearly 20 years ago.
25. I've never been on a cruise. Who wants to go on a cruise with me?
26. Who do I need to impress with my reading selections? No one, that's who. I read only what interests me, and sometimes that includes some real fluffy junk. If I hate a book, it's ok to toss it aside because I'm not getting graded on reading assignments anymore.
27. Cocoa Pebbles > Cocoa Krispies
28. The phrase "that's what I'm talking about!" needs to be struck from everyone's vocabulary.
29. The secret to surviving cold winters? Fleece-lined tights.
30. I don't have a 30 year, 15 year, or 5 year plan. I don't even know what my life will be like when I turn 31. This isn't instability, it's unpredictability - and it's exciting.